going to american apparel is not going to make you feel happier.

you feel sad. you read proust with this terrible feeling in your heart like nothing will ever be enough. you're sitting on your bed, and it's almost 3pm on a saturday and you are at home reading proust by yourself. you shut the book very slowly and put your head on your pillow. you kind of wish you could sleep forever and not have to wake up at 6am to go to school every weekday.

you feel like your life is ruled by capitalism and you do not want your life to be ruled by capitalism. when a friend wants to hang out with you, they always say, "let's go to the mall!" and that's just how things are in america. you want to lay on a rooftop with someone and make up names for stars. you check your cellphone very quickly. nothing.

you feel vague and transient a lot of the time, irrelevant or something. you feel like you are in a play that doesn't have any human characters, a play about a time when no one is around, where the actors act as trees, or blades of grass, or the ocean. but you've only seen the ocean a few times, so you find it hard to visualize.

you listen to music for an hour and fall asleep at 4pm.